Hear My Cry
by RandomPerson87
Summary: E/B- "You don't think I feel helpless? I'm merely sitting by waiting for the day to come when I won't be able to feel anymore, when I won't be able to breathe. Do you know what it's like to know that you're going to die and leave everything else behind?"
1. Chapter 1

**~Okay so for those of you who have already read my story "Blinded Light" then you'll realize that I didn't change the first chapter. That is partially because I've grown quite fond of it and also because it shows where my writing came from. Of course, I did change what grammatical errors I found while reading it over. I hope you enjoy the story from here on out. Thank you for staying with me! **

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BPOV:

The ground was cold, rough and unforgiving as it scratched at my dampened clothing. Yes, I had been careless and yes, I could have died but I still refused even in those moments to believe that my cliff diving had been wrong to do. I had lived on. I hadn't abandoned Charlie and I had seen my Edward again. But it had been so long since then, so long since the last time that I had seem him, that I couldn't help coming back to the only place that had ever truly belonged to us. I was chilled to the bone, shuddering on the now dampened grass. Jake may have been the one to save me from the watery depths that I had jumped to, but I believed that I was now finally saving myself.

I had come here to face my past, and perhaps to even consider the present. The meadow wasn't as welcoming as I had once deemed it to be. The sun wasn't shining down to warm me, nor was the grass the thick flower blanket that I had remembered it as. I knew that coming here during a rain storm wouldn't be the brightest of my ideas, but there hadn't been any time better than the present. The desperate need to reevaluate my situation, to delve into my own thoughts rather than ones around me, that was why I had come and that was why I would likely be fighting off a cold for the remainder of the week.

Eventually though, I figured that my true reason for coming was that Victoria might seize my moment of weakness as her moment of triumph. Edward had been the first to bring me here. Laurent had been the first to find me here when I was alone. Here, Jake and his pack of 'werewolves' had first technically revealed themselves to me. And lastly, I hoped, Victoria would take my life here.

Salty tears ran down the length of my face, mixing with the tears from the sky. The relentless wind seemed to increase, as did my racking sobs, while the rain poured down harshly. My hair, now black in it's saturation, clung to my face and I couldn't find the will to remove the strands.

As I laid on the ground it felt as though my memories were being stripped from me and turned into the perspective of another. I felt as though I were watching myself, not quite reliving the times after Edward had abandoned me, but seeing them from another view.

The doctors that I had previously deemed as harsh and unworthy of their degrees, I now saw in a new light. They may have been stating that my life was coming to an end, but they had not been the ones to take it away from me. After Edward had left I didn't have a life, I didn't eat, I didn't talk, I hardly existed if not for my body walking in the constant stream of my peers.

Of course, Ovarian Cancer had never once been something that I'd heard about, nor acknowledged as the type of cancer that it now was to me. I may not have expected to learn about it in depth, nor expected to experience it first-hand, but I could not change that I now did both.

Renee had, I remembered, been very-near to feinting when she first heard the news. I could see from behind the curtain that the nurse had oh-so-kindly positioned between myself and my parents, Renee crying heavily into Charlie's shoulder. I remembered thinking that it was funny how they couldn't be more different from each other, but in that moment so much the same. They were both suffering from the same cause and it seemed, that it was this that had reunited them so strongly.

Even so, it didn't seem that the news had become anything more over the coming days. It was true that Renee couldn't fool me. I knew her well enough from our past that the water running from the shower in the bathroom for hours on end, was her way of hiding the suffering that she was feeling, hiding her tears. She didn't like showing how upset she was to me; she wanted to appear stronger than she was in reality. But for Charlie, it never seemed that the news had fully processed.

It was true that he had cradled Renee in his arms while at the hospital, but once he had returned home, he was more like his usual self. He worked extra hours, the hours that everyone knew we were not necessary to his job and though I knew he was taking a beating, I couldn't ask him to stay home for me. I didn't want to remind anyone of my condition, nor did I want to remind myself (were it possible that I could stop thinking about it in the first place) about it.

But why the hell was this taking so long? If Laurent could find me, why couldn't she, for god's sake? She was supposed to find me! She wanted to kill me; she wanted to make me suffer in her hands. Of course, that last part hardly seemed to matter anymore. She couldn't break my heart when it was already broken. She couldn't make it rain on me when I was already soaked. She couldn't hate me anymore than I hated myself. Therefor, she couldn't possibly make me suffer anymore than I already was.

A dreadfully familiar feeling bubbled up in the pit of my stomach and I grabbed at the grass between my fingers as I became violently ill. What more to mar my perfect vision of our meadow, right?

"Bella?" That beautiful, timeless velvet. Even through the pain in my throat I couldn't help smiling. Edward always came back when I was in danger. His apparition meant that Victoria must be nearing, it wouldn't be much longer now for my end to come.

I wanted to see him, I wanted to see with my own eyes, his figure if only for these last few delicate moments, but I still couldn't move. I was still overtaken with my sickness and still too weak to lift my head in the beautiful voice's direction.

"Oh god, Bella. What happened to you?" My perfect apparition wasn't functioning right; he wasn't supposed to have terror or even sorrow lining his voice.

He wasn't supposed to sound upset; he was supposed to be as perfect sounding as I remembered him. It became even more necessary then for me to see him and I cursed my illness that I couldn't turn myself in his direction. I didn't have to worry about this long though, as he seemed to sense that I wasn't able to lift myself. Instead perfect as ever, my imagined Edward knelt beside me, brushing the drenched strands of hair away from my eyes.

Surprising myself my lips willed themselves open and my first words were spoken, "Please, don't touch me." I whispered.

I knew that I wanted him to touch me, just as much as I wanted my cancer to be gone, but I couldn't let myself be torn up that way. I knew that were he to touch me, I would return to the catatonic state I had been in for so long. Almost immediately, almost as though he were struck by lightning, he withdrew his hand, though I could see that his eyes were still truly agonized.

"...Bella, let me take you to Carlisle. Whatever this is...he can help you." Edward suggested. It seemed that he were thinking quickly, working to choose the precise words that would thoroughly render me insane; as though I would start seeing his entire family as well. And anyways, there was nothing that would move me from my current position. I hadn't come all this way to be convinced to leave.

"What? Now I'm going to start imagining Carlisle too? And, tell me Edward, what happens when I start to imagine everyone? Do you honestly believe that seeing them will change anything? Do you think that my imagination is going to help me now? I'm a mess and there is no fixing that." I muttered sharply, almost sarcastically. My voice was still thick from crying, my words sounding as though I were choking on them as I spoke.

"Love," my Edward laughed, "You're not imagining this. Please believe me when I say that I couldn't live without you for a second longer. It was only a matter of time before I came back for you." Internally, I scoffed at that last part, I was truly going to tear myself up one of these days, "...Charlie's been searching for you." he added when I remained silent.

Charlie. Surely Charlie should matter to me if nothing else did. I had to get back home to him before he realized that I was gone when I shouldn't be. Even so...Charlie couldn't possibly be searching for me; what happened to his long hours?

"You almost got me there, but I still don't believe you. Charlie's been working overtime, he wouldn't have noticed my absence yet. And, you made it quite clear that you don't want me. What reason would you have to come back, Edward?" he sighed dramatically, prolonging the moment in which my hope would continue to bubble up.

"We can argue about you sanity later, Bella. As for right now, I'm taking you to Carlisle; you look awful, love." He reached his hands back out, and I glared at them with a fierceness I didn't know I possessed. It only surprised me when they didn't burst into flames beneath my fiery gaze.

"I don't want to go anywhere just yet," I said breaking the silence that had erupted. Knowing full well that he intended on carrying me, I grabbed onto his hands pulling myself into his lap. In that moment I didn't care how much like crap I must have resembled, or even how desperate I might have come across to him; after all, he was a figment of my sick ground was cold, rough and unforgiving as it scratched at my dampened clothing. Yes, I had been careless, and yes, I could have died, but I still refused, even in those moments, to believe that my cliff diving had been wrong to do. I had lived on, I hadn't abandoned Charlie and I had seen my Edward again. But it had been so long since then, so long since the last time that I had seem him, that I couldn't help coming back to the only place that had ever truly belonged to us. I was chilled to the bone, shuddering on the now dampened grass. Jake may have been the one to save me from the watery depths that I had jumped to, but I believed that I was now finally saving myself.

I had come here to face my past, and perhaps to even consider the present. The meadow wasn't as welcoming as I had once deemed it to be. The sun wasn't shining down to warm me, nor was the grass the thick flower blanket that I had remembered it as. I knew that coming here during a rain storm wouldn't be the brightest of my ideas, but there hadn't been any time better than the present. The desperate need to reevaluate my situation, to delve into my own thoughts rather than ones around me, that was why I had come and that was why I would likely be fighting off a cold for the remainder of the week.

Eventually though, I figured that my true reason for coming was that Victoria might seize my moment of weakness as her moment of triumph. Edward had been the first to bring me here. Laurent had been the first to find me here when I was alone. Here, Jake and his pack of 'werewolves' had first technically revealed themselves to me. And lastly, I hoped, Victoria would take my life here.

Salty tears ran down the length of my face, mixing with the tears from the sky. The relentless wind seemed to increase, as did my racking sobs, while the rain poured down harshly. My hair, now black in it's saturation, clung to my face and I couldn't find the will to remove the strands.

As I laid on the ground it felt as though my memories were being stripped from me and turned into the perspective of another. I felt as though I were watching myself, not quite reliving the times after Edward had abandoned me, but seeing them from another view.

The doctors that I had previously deemed as harsh and unworthy of their degrees, I now saw in a new light. They may have been stating that my life was coming to an end, but they had not been the ones to take it away from me. After Edward had left I didn't have a life, I didn't eat, I didn't talk, I hardly existed if not for my body walking in the constant stream of my peers.

Of course, Ovarian Cancer had never once been something that I'd heard about, nor acknowledged as the type of cancer that it now was to me. I may not have expected to learn about it in depth, nor expected to experience it first-hand, but I could not change that I now did both.

Renee had, I remembered, been very-near to feinting when she first heard the news. I could see from behind the curtain that the nurse had oh-so-kindly positioned between myself and my parents, Renee crying heavily into Charlie's shoulder. I remembered thinking that it was funny how they couldn't be more different from each other, but in that moment so much the same. They were both suffering from the same cause and it seemed, that it was this that had reunited them so strongly.

Even so, it didn't seem that the news had become anything more over the coming days. It was true that Renee couldn't fool me. I knew her well enough from our past that the water running from the shower in the bathroom for hours on end, was her way of hiding the suffering that she was feeling, hiding her tears. She didn't like showing how upset she was to me; she wanted to appear stronger than she was in reality. But for Charlie, it never seemed that the news had fully processed.

It was true that he had cradled Renee in his arms while at the hospital, but once he had returned home, he was more like his usual self. He worked extra hours, the hours that everyone knew we were not necessary to his job and though I knew he was taking a beating, I couldn't ask him to stay home for me. I didn't want to remind anyone of my condition, nor did I want to remind myself (were it possible that I could stop thinking about it in the first place) about it.

But why the hell was this taking so long? If Laurent could find me, why couldn't she, for god's sake? She was supposed to find me! She wanted to kill me; she wanted to make me suffer in her hands. Of course, that last part hardly seemed to matter anymore. She couldn't break my heart when it was already broken. She couldn't make it rain on me when I was already soaked. She couldn't hate me anymore than I hated myself. Therefor, she couldn't possibly make me suffer anymore than I already was.

A dreadfully familiar feeling bubbled up in the pit of my stomach and I grabbed at the grass between my fingers as I became violently ill. What more to mar my perfect vision of our meadow, right?

"Bella?" That beautiful, timeless velvet. Even through the pain in my throat I couldn't help smiling. Edward always came back when I was in danger. His apparition meant that Victory must be nearing, it wouldn't be much longer now for my end to come.

I wanted to see him, I wanted to see with my own eyes, his figure if only for these last few delicate moments, but I still couldn't move. I was still overtaken with my sickness and still too weak to lift my head in the voice's direction.

"Oh god, Bella. What happened to you?" My perfect apparition wasn't functioning right; he wasn't supposed to have terror or even sorrow lining his voice. He wasn't supposed to sound upset; he was supposed to be as perfect sounding as I remembered him. It became even more necessary then for me to see him and I cursed my illness that I couldn't turn myself in his direction. I didn't have to worry about this long though, as he seemed to sense that I wasn't able to lift myself. Instead, perfect as ever, my imagined Edward knelt beside me, brushing the drenched strands of hair away from my eyes.

Surprising myself my lips willed themselves open and my first words were spoken, "Please, don't touch me." I whispered. I knew that I wanted him to touch me, just as much as I wanted my cancer to be gone, but I couldn't let myself be torn up that way. I knew that were he to touch me, I would return to the catatonic state I had been in for so long. Almost immediately, almost as though he were struck by lightning, he withdrew his hand, though I could see that his eyes were still truly agonized.

"...Bella, let me take you to Carlisle. Whatever this is...he can help you." Edward suggested. It seemed that he were thinking quickly, working to choose the precise words that would thoroughly render me insane; as though I would start seeing his entire family as well. And anyways, there was nothing that would move me from my current position. I hadn't come all this way to be convinced to leave.

"What? Now I'm going to start imagining Carlisle too? And, tell me Edward, what happens when I start to imagine everyone? Do you honestly believe that seeing them will change anything? Do you think that my imagination is going to help me now? I'm a mess and there is no fixing that." I muttered sharply, almost sarcastically. My voice was still thick from crying, my words sounding as though I were choking on them as I spoke.

"Love," My Edward laughed, "You're not imagining this. Please believe me when I say that I couldn't live without you for a second longer. It was only a matter of time before I came back for you." Internally, I scoffed at that last part, I was truly going to tear myself up one of these days, "...Charlie's been searching for you." He added when I remained silent.

Charlie. Surely Charlie should matter to me if nothing else did. I had to get back home to him before he realized that I was gone when I shouldn't be. Even so...Charlie couldn't possibly be searching for me; what happened to his long hours?

"You almost got me there, but I still don't believe you. Charlie's been working overtime, he wouldn't have noticed my absence yet. And, you made it quite clear that you don't want me. What reason would you have to come back, Edward?" He sighed dramatically, prolonging the moment in which my hope would continue to bubble up.

"We can argue about you sanity later, Bella. As for right now, I'm taking you to Carlisle; you look awful, love." He reached his hands back out, and I glared at them with a fierceness I didn't know I possessed. It only surprised me when they didn't burst into flames beneath my fiery gaze.

"I don't want to go anywhere just yet," I said, breaking the silence that had erupted, knowing full well that he intended on carrying me, I grabbed onto his hands, pulling myself into his lap. In that moment I didn't care how much like crap I must have resembled, or even how desperate I might have come across to him; after all, he was a figment of my sick imagination.

"I'd feel better if I could take you to Carlisle, you know."

"Tough. I don't wanna move."  
The ground was cold, rough and unforgiving as it scratched at my dampened clothing. Yes, I had been careless, and yes, I could have died, but I still refused, even in those moments, to believe that my cliff diving had been wrong to do. I had lived on, I hadn't abandoned Charlie and I had seen my Edward again. But it had been so long since then, so long since the last time that I had seem him, that I couldn't help coming back to the only place that had ever truly belonged to us. I was chilled to the bone, shuddering on the now dampened grass. Jake may have been the one to save me from the watery depths that I had jumped to, but I believed that I was now finally saving myself.

I had come here to face my past, and perhaps to even consider the present. The meadow wasn't as welcoming as I had once deemed it to be. The sun wasn't shining down to warm me, nor was the grass the thick flower blanket that I had remembered it as. I knew that coming here during a rain storm wouldn't be the brightest of my ideas, but there hadn't been any time better than the present. The desperate need to reevaluate my situation, to delve into my own thoughts rather than ones around me, that was why I had come and that was why I would likely be fighting off a cold for the remainder of the week.

Eventually though, I figured that my true reason for coming was that Victoria might seize my moment of weakness as her moment of triumph. Edward had been the first to bring me here. Laurent had been the first to find me here when I was alone. Here, Jake and his pack of 'werewolves' had first technically revealed themselves to me. And lastly, I hoped, Victoria would take my life here.

Salty tears ran down the length of my face, mixing with the tears from the sky. The relentless wind seemed to increase, as did my racking sobs, while the rain poured down harshly. My hair, now black in it's saturation, clung to my face and I couldn't find the will to remove the strands.

As I laid on the ground it felt as though my memories were being stripped from me and turned into the perspective of another. I felt as though I were watching myself, not quite reliving the times after Edward had abandoned me, but seeing them from another view.

The doctors that I had previously deemed as harsh and unworthy of their degrees, I now saw in a new light. They may have been stating that my life was coming to an end, but they had not been the ones to take it away from me. After Edward had left I didn't have a life, I didn't eat, I didn't talk, I hardly existed if not for my body walking in the constant stream of my peers.

Of course, Ovarian Cancer had never once been something that I'd heard about, nor acknowledged as the type of cancer that it now was to me. I may not have expected to learn about it in depth, nor expected to experience it first-hand, but I could not change that I now did both.

Renee had, I remembered, been very-near to feinting when she first heard the news. I could see from behind the curtain that the nurse had oh-so-kindly positioned between myself and my parents, Renee crying heavily into Charlie's shoulder. I remembered thinking that it was funny how they couldn't be more different from each other, but in that moment so much the same. They were both suffering from the same cause and it seemed, that it was this that had reunited them so strongly.

Even so, it didn't seem that the news had become anything more over the coming days. It was true that Renee couldn't fool me. I knew her well enough from our past that the water running from the shower in the bathroom for hours on end, was her way of hiding the suffering that she was feeling, hiding her tears. She didn't like showing how upset she was to me; she wanted to appear stronger than she was in reality. But for Charlie, it never seemed that the news had fully processed.

It was true that he had cradled Renee in his arms while at the hospital, but once he had returned home, he was more like his usual self. He worked extra hours, the hours that everyone knew we were not necessary to his job and though I knew he was taking a beating, I couldn't ask him to stay home for me. I didn't want to remind anyone of my condition, nor did I want to remind myself (were it possible that I could stop thinking about it in the first place) about it.

But why the hell was this taking so long? If Laurent could find me, why couldn't she, for god's sake? She was supposed to find me! She wanted to kill me; she wanted to make me suffer in her hands. Of course, that last part hardly seemed to matter anymore. She couldn't break my heart when it was already broken. She couldn't make it rain on me when I was already soaked. She couldn't hate me anymore than I hated myself. Therefor, she couldn't possibly make me suffer anymore than I already was.

A dreadfully familiar feeling bubbled up in the pit of my stomach and I grabbed at the grass between my fingers as I became violently ill. What more to mar my perfect vision of our meadow, right?

"Bella?" That beautiful, timeless velvet. Even through the pain in my throat I couldn't help smiling. Edward always came back when I was in danger. His apparition meant that Victory must be nearing, it wouldn't be much longer now for my end to come.

I wanted to see him, I wanted to see with my own eyes, his figure if only for these last few delicate moments, but I still couldn't move. I was still overtaken with my sickness and still too weak to lift my head in the voice's direction.

"Oh god, Bella. What happened to you?" My perfect apparition wasn't functioning right; he wasn't supposed to have terror or even sorrow lining his voice. He wasn't supposed to sound upset; he was supposed to be as perfect sounding as I remembered him. It became even more necessary then for me to see him and I cursed my illness that I couldn't turn myself in his direction. I didn't have to worry about this long though, as he seemed to sense that I wasn't able to lift myself. Instead, perfect as ever, my imagined Edward knelt beside me, brushing the drenched strands of hair away from my eyes.

Surprising myself my lips willed themselves open and my first words were spoken, "Please, don't touch me." I whispered. I knew that I wanted him to touch me, just as much as I wanted my cancer to be gone, but I couldn't let myself be torn up that way. I knew that were he to touch me, I would return to the catatonic state I had been in for so long. Almost immediately, almost as though he were struck by lightning, he withdrew his hand, though I could see that his eyes were still truly agonized.

"...Bella, let me take you to Carlisle. Whatever this is...he can help you." Edward suggested. It seemed that he were thinking quickly, working to choose the precise words that would thoroughly render me insane; as though I would start seeing his entire family as well. And anyways, there was nothing that would move me from my current position. I hadn't come all this way to be convinced to leave.

"What? Now I'm going to start imagining Carlisle too? And, tell me Edward, what happens when I start to imagine everyone? Do you honestly believe that seeing them will change anything? Do you think that my imagination is going to help me now? I'm a mess and there is no fixing that." I muttered sharply, almost sarcastically. My voice was still thick from crying, my words sounding as though I were choking on them as I spoke.

"Love," My Edward laughed, "You're not imagining this. Please believe me when I say that I couldn't live without you for a second longer. It was only a matter of time before I came back for you." Internally, I scoffed at that last part, I was truly going to tear myself up one of these days, "...Charlie's been searching for you." He added when I remained silent.

Charlie. Surely Charlie should matter to me if nothing else did. I had to get back home to him before he realized that I was gone when I shouldn't be. Even so...Charlie couldn't possibly be searching for me; what happened to his long hours?

"You almost got me there, but I still don't believe you. Charlie's been working overtime, he wouldn't have noticed my absence yet. And, you made it quite clear that you don't want me. What reason would you have to come back, Edward?" He sighed dramatically, prolonging the moment in which my hope would continue to bubble up.

"We can argue about you sanity later, Bella. As for right now, I'm taking you to Carlisle; you look awful, love." He reached his hands back out, and I glared at them with a fierceness I didn't know I possessed. It only surprised me when they didn't burst into flames beneath my fiery gaze.

"I don't want to go anywhere just yet," I said, breaking the silence that had erupted, knowing full well that he intended on carrying me, I grabbed onto his hands, pulling myself into his lap. In that moment I didn't care how much like crap I must have resembled, or even how desperate I might have come across to him; after all, he was a figment of my sick imagination.

"I'd feel better if I could take you to Carlisle, you know."

"Tough. I don't wanna move."

There on the damp ground I lay shuddering, not just from the wind and the rain, but now from the added iciness of Edward's skin. His hand rested gently on my shoulder and I counted mentally the seconds as they passed, for nothing better than to keep myself distracted. I refused to think of how close I currently was to my 'imagined' Edward.

After some time of silence, Edward's impatience became more apparent. I can say this only because of the way his fingers tapped consistently on my shoulder, a silent reminder that he wanted me to leave our meadow.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked weakly, knowing the answer before hearing him speak it.

"Honestly?" He asked, "I'm contemplating the easiest way to get you back to my house without your throwing a fit, although it seems to be unavoidable in every scenario I come up with." And for the most part, he was right. I would throw a fit if he tried to take me away, but I was also very near to freezing to death so it didn't look that I had a choice in the outcome. Either way, I was leaving soon; why pro-lounge the unavoidable?

"You win. I'm already bordering insane, so why not just cross the line already? Take me to Carlisle, Edward; whatever makes you happy." I sighed.

"Thank You." he said simply, before the darkness that had been creeping up, consumed me.

It was in this end, that I believe I truly began...

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**Well what do you guys think, huh? Hit or miss? Please take the time to review, it helps me to know that I'm writing for an audience rather than for no one at all. Thank you for reading! **

**~Ash**

**xoxoxo**


	2. Chapter 2

**Well this chapter isn't as long as I intended for it to be but after I accidentally deleted it last night and went on a raging search through my computer to reclaim it...I'd say that it's just best that I go ahead and upload it while I still can. In fact I believe I'll just upload a chapter each day, or maybe every other. I guess it all depends on whether or not you guys like it, huh? I certianly hope you do.

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BPOV: **

I couldn't believe that what I had seen just before the blackness consumed me, was anything more than a figment of my imagination. It didn't make sense that Edward would come back for me, now of all times, like a knight in shining armor. I had always imagined him to be just that, my knight, but that was before he had left, before my life had been shattered from the very fibers that held it together. He had cut me deeper than any wound I had ever experienced and I refused to believe that he would come back for me. It wasn't right. But at the same time, I couldn't deny the overwhelming feeling that I was no longer in our meadow; that I had been moved. This feeling only grew stronger as I heard another familiar voice.

"Why did you ever leave her?" a voice that was distinctly Alice whispered from somewhere nearby.

My heart fluttered as though a hummingbird had just taken up residency within it. I hadn't any idea where I was exactly, although I could only assume that I had been brought to the Cullen's house, but that didn't make any sense. I assumed however, that if I was insane enough to imagine them, it wouldn't be too far off base to be in their house either. Perhaps this was where the engulfing blackness had brought me to. These voices, the overwhelming feeling I was now experiencing, they all added up and in their entirety I found more confusion than I did meaning. I didn't understand where I was or how I was now hearing Alice's voice.

Even more apparent however, was my own fear. I wanted desperately to open my eyes so that I was no longer envisioning Alice, but seeing her in her current form rather than the one from my memories. I wanted to open them so desperately, so acutely, that it was hard to deny this yearning. What if when I opened my eyes, this alternate universe I now believed myself to be in, vanished from my grasps?

My best friend might have left me behind but it was a pleasure utterly unexplainable for me to be able to hear her soprano's voice for at least one last time. I didn't dare open my eyes in for fear that I might lose her all over again. For the time being it was enough to simply drink in the sound of her much like a drunkard would his beer.

"I don't know how I managed to ever walk away from her. Seeing her again is nearly unbearable as I see all the suffering I've inadvertently put her through. I can't begin to imagine what Charlie must think of my right now. A coward maybe? A predictable bastard? I'm not saying I'm undeserving of such titles, I only believe he might think differently if he were able to understand." Edward murmured.

His voice was closer than Alice's, just off to my side. It's velvet undertones rang in perfect clarity through my thoughts. Even then I didn't believe him to be either of those things that he named. I knew the real Edward, I knew that he was not a bastard. He may have hurt me but I would never consider him as anything less than I had before.

"Edward," Alice said presently, "I'm not Charlie, I know that. But I do want to understand what was going through your head. I'm not blessed with the gift of reading minds, I can only catch glimpses of the indefinite future. _Please...Enlighten me?" _

He sighed tentatively and I almost expected that that would be the only thing Alice would have gotten from him until he spoke again. Although I couldn't blame him much either. Alice was definitely a force to be reckoned with when she was denied something she sought after.

"When I look at all the times we've implicated her life...All the times she could have died at my hands or at those of another vampire...That's not how things are supposed to be. She shouldn't have to risk her life to be with me and I don't want her to. Her life is something I would not easily jeopardize; I had always thought that. When Jasper tried to attack her it only made everything that much more real for me.

"I wanted her to live a life without all the dangers that we inadvertently brought into it. She's so pure, so self-less that I knew she would give up everything for me and I couldn't have that hanging over my head for the rest of eternity. I thought that leaving her would effectively change that. She would move on: she had to. I never would have thought that things could end up this way or maybe I just didn't want to."

_What the hell? _What kind of sick imagination did I have? Hearing their voices brought me a great overwhelming sense of contentment but I couldn't stand listening to the words that Edward spoke. They were laced with so many untruths that I almost despised my fantasized Edward for so much as uttering them. My eyes fluttered open only to be met with deep fiery pulls of golden topaz.

"How are you feeling?" Edward asked me.

I rolled my eyes. Wouldn't he already know the answer?

"I'm fine. Just fine."

Now it was his turn to scoff. His eyes glared down at me and I hated that he held the upper hand leaning above me. It made him look so much more fierce than I.

"You know how much I hate that word when you use it. How are you _really_?"

I scowled at him. The words in my vocabulary were not there for his personal liking but for my own habit of using them. A few choice terms came to mind however and I would have shared them too had Alice not chosen that precise moment to intervene.

"Edward stop being such an idiot. She doesn't care what words you like for her to use."

The sound of Alice's bell-like voice beckoned me to turn and drink her in with my eyes. I longed for nothing more than to see my best friend again, regardless of the fact that she was nothing more than an apparition of sorts.

I craned my neck so that I could see around the icy boulder that was Edward, and took in her petite figure. She was standing off to my left, leaning against the cotton-white wall. Her expression was devoid of any emotion but in her eyes showed a great happiness. I smiled at her tentatively.

"I never thought I'd get to see you again." I whispered, belaying to her the truth of how I felt, "And I'm glad that I got the chance to one last time."

"This isn't the last time you'll see us." Edward spoke, "We're here to stay. All of us."

I hadn't missed his emphasis on the word _'all.' _All of them? How was that even possible for me to imagine them each? That meant that Jasper and all the others had returned as well. I couldn't say that I hadn't been expecting it. If there was anything I knew about the Cullens, was their tendency of staying together. What I hadn't been expecting was that I might someday imagine them all as well. Perhaps that was what cancer did to you? I had previously believed that Edward came to me to keep me from danger, to help me hold up my end of the promise we had made, but now I wasn't entirely decided. If I'd of had my way I wouldn't have imagined Rosalie at all. Apparently that didn't matter to my subconscious or to whatever it was that brought me these figments of people I once loved.

"I don't understand how it is that I can see you all. You only ever appear when I'm in danger."

Looking around to survey my surrounding I found no immediate dangers. I was undoubtedly in the Cullen's old living-room, their furniture still coated with shear plastic covers. It seemed as though everything were being preserved and perhaps that was why I was capable of seeing them. My memories of them would surely be stronger here.

"Bella I don't know what you're getting at or what you mean by danger, but we're here. Myself and the rest of my family. We've returned to Forks. I couldn't bear to stay away from you any longer." Edward said gently.

I already harbored the pain of losing him, the pain of everyone else's suffering, and now the pain of his return. I didn't believe that there was any more misery that my already tormented heart could handle.

His eyebrows hung in confusion, a familiar 'V' forming between them and I looked at him evenly.

"Stop, _just stop._ You have no right to say those things to me. You're not real for Christ's sake! I don't want to hear lies. Just leave me be." I growled at him. Yes I wanted to see them all again but at what cost to my sanity? My heart? It would be better if they'd just leave me for good.

"What are you talking about?" He exploded, "Of course we're _real_! Dammit Bella I know that I've made a lot of mistakes in my life and leaving you just happens to be the greatest of them. But I'm back now, trying to seek redemption for what I've done and you think I'm lying? That's the most idiotic thing I've heard!"

Alice groaned and with that, instantaneously regained my attention.

"Can't you see Edward? The danger? She connects danger to you-,"

"She should!" Edward interjected.

Alice hissed at him before continuing, "-and when something dangerous happened she could see you. I'm not saying that I understand it completely but I am saying that I can put two and two together. That's the only logical explanation for what she is saying. She doesn't believe that we're really here and I can't say that I blame her."

"Excuse me? As much as I would just love to sit here and listen to the two of you converse about me, there's really other places that I have to be." I interrupted.

Both of them glanced back at me as I spoke. Edward's expression was one of great pain that I'd have to live several more years to ever fully comprehend. I didn't like knowing that I had hurt him but hadn't he hurt me already? Everything comes back at you in the end.

"Bella please believe me when I say that we're not some figment of your imagination. We've truly come back this time. I can't stand being away from you anymore." He murmured gently. There was so much truth soaked into his words that I had a hard time denying them.

What if he really had returned to me? But that didn't make any sense to me either. He had claimed that he didn't want me, didn't love me and now he was practically tearing himself up as he leaned over me? The easiest explanation had been that he was only my envisioned Edward telling me what it was that I wanted to hear, but was that really the most logical? Now as I looked back on it, I didn't quite think so.

"Fine we'll say that hypothetically you _are_ real. What other reason would you have me believe that you're here for? It sure as hell isn't for me, you merely stumbled across me in the woods. What's your _real_ reason for being back?" I asked him again.

A growl raged in his chest but I didn't cower. It didn't matter what his reasons were, I was still absolutely certain that he would not harm me.

"Why can't you believe that I've come back for you Bella? I love you and my deepest regret was having left you behind. I've come back to beg for your forgiveness and I won't stop until I've achieved just that. _You_ are my reason for coming back, never doubt that."

"So what? You've come back out of guilt, seeking your redemption? How self-less of you." I sneered. All that old anger was starting to be reinstalled in my heart and I had finally found the opportunity to release it. Edward real or otherwise was quickly taking on the role of my verbal-punching bag.

"To say that I don't feel immense guilt for what I did would be a lie and I will not lie to you. But I have not come back out of guilt, only the hope that you would take me back in your life. I don't have some sort of ulterior motive; you are my reason for existing and I've come to seek you out. Why can't you see that?"

"Seek me out? Really Edward, just give up already. I don't want to forgive you and I surely won't offer as much to you simply because I'm going to die."

His expression was so furious, so enraged that I immediately regretted my words. He had never looked so much like a vampire until that very instant and it terrified me to see him as such. My vision of him had been seriously flawed.

"Surely you're not still on that? Dammit Bella! I've only just returned and you're already pining after eternal damnation? I left you for your own good and I'm not going to change my mind on the vote of your immortality! Death is simply a part of life; it's the normal way to things." He snarled at me.

"Edward!" Alice cried. Her lower lip was quivering as her eyes revealed a great sorrow. "I don't think that's what she was talking about."

Edward's eyes searched my face, searching it for something, though I hadn't any idea what he found there.

It was about time someone understood what the hell I was getting at. Of course I didn't seek immortality anymore. There was no reason for me to exist after they had left me. They had taken everything with them, my heart, my soul. Death wasn't something I feared, it was simply a timely escape from the world I no longer wished to be a part of. How stupid I had been, wishing for an eternity.

"Am I to believe you didn't already know of my cancer Alice?" Edward gasped and I turned to face him, "Yes that's what I meant. Cancer. Say it with me now. _Cancer._ I'm not asking for immortality, I'm asking that you allow me to leave. I don't want to be here right now."

Somewhere nearby while I had been speaking, I'd only dimly picked up on the sound of shattering glass. It was surprising that in a house full of steady vampires something would break, but at the moment I had been too absorbed to consider it.

"Bella I didn't-," Edward choked.

I scowled at him as I squirmed out from under him. There was no reason for me to be here any longer. I needed nothing more than to leave and the front door seemed only too inviting.

Both vampires had to have been certain of my intentions but as neither moved to stop me I bolted. Although the definition of the word was clearly defined as having ran away quickly, I came to a dead halt instead. I hadn't meant to pay any mind to my surroundings but as I made for the front door, it was hard not to catch of glimpse of Esme standing in the entry-way, a puddle of water and glass at her feet, pink tulips strewn across the floor.

"Esme..." I breathed shakily. As soon as I did so, strong cold arms encircled me in their icy embrace. I stood stock-still.

"My daughter, I'm _so_ sorry. We wouldn't have left. We didn't know." She cried into the crook of my neck.

I pulled away from her gently my hands pressed lightly against her shoulders. To say that I had missed her would have been greatly insubstantial to how I felt but I couldn't let that affect my judgment. I knew what it was that I had to do and I wouldn't let myself get swayed from it.

"Esme, I'm truly sorry. I'm sure that you didn't know, but that doesn't change that fact that you left. You all left. And I wasn't able to pick up the pieces after that. I'd like to say that it doesn't hurt me to be here right now, but the truth is that it does and I can't do this right now. I don't know why you've come back and although I'm glad to see you...I'm worried that you were expecting something different than what you've been met with. I have to go and I'm sorry." I said finally as I turned my back on her.

I closed the distance between myself and my blessed exit, wrenching open the door roughly. Tears that I had hoped to conceal shed freely from my eyes as I retreated from their house. For whatever reason they might have had for returning, their sudden reappearance in my life wasn't for the better.

Turning my back on him, leaving his family in their living room gazing after me, was very possibly one of the hardest things I had come to do. I had always claimed that moving on, becoming adjusted to a life without Edward was the hardest hurtle that I had surpassed. This was of course, true to a point; I had always seen him as a great portion of my life and leading one without him was beyond my capability of imagining. But when the news of my new-found cancer had risen, this became the most difficult. It wasn't just hoping to live, it was so much more. It was having to face everyone's pity for my condition, face the reality that Renee and Charlie were already sent into flailing grief for a life they thought I would lose. Having to face this all and still face my own overwhelming doubt in my capability to live through it, I found this the most difficult to take in.

However, Edward had come back and there was still the possibility that he _hadn't_ known of my illness. I didn't like to believe this, like to feel the first shards of hope beginning to surface in the pit of my stomach. If he hadn't come back out of his guilt for leaving me in such a condition, than what other reason would he have? This was the question that kept echoing in my every thought and demanded my concentration. He had left me and though I hated to admit it then, in his absence I had been completely and utterly broken. That is not to say that in his sudden reappearance that I was now healed. Instead, the inner-turmoil that raged on was evident enough that I was being sent back to stage one, all over again. I didn't know that it could be bearable for him to resurface in my life so suddenly, were he to leave again. There was already so much grief swelling in the depths of my soul, that I couldn't stand the outlook of more being added.

It was idiotic all on its' own that I would be holding his reappearance in such high regard. I was searching, looking for any sign that he had returned for me and only me. I couldn't help this foolish yearning within me, this wanting for him to be here because he needed me just as desperately as I needed him. I couldn't have been his reason for returning, or at the very most, I couldn't have been his _only_ reason.

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**And what do you think? I'm sorry if this chapter comes across as a little rushed to you...I am on a caffeine buzz right now...What can I say? Please take the time to review and tell me what you think. Even if you were just dropping in to say something as simple as "Hi," it would still mean the world to me. Also if you came across any mistakes, please feel free to notify me. Please: REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!  
**

**Thanks for reading, **

**~Ash**

**xoxoxo  
**


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